About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
