Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
