we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
