Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
