boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
