I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my liver is dry heaving
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
