Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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