GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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