At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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