I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
