just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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