dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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