Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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