nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
