omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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