I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm like, not good at living.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
