guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
