I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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