he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
