you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
