You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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