Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
