Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
