im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
