she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
