I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
