My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
