I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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