Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
