Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
