problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
