I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize