well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
