So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
