hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
