toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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