I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I AM VODKA MAN
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize