Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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