I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
ttyl tear gas
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
