I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
