I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
