I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
