he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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