Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want a musical about memes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize