Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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