Where did you get a picture of my penis
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
