I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
