Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
