I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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