White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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