I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
