Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
