she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
