I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize