okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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