at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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