I didn't shave. On purpose
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
