I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
