He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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