So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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