he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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