this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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