He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
