Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
