dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
