He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
