How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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