idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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