Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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