We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
