new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
