OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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