I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
