there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
