I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
