I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
